one-upmanship: the technique or practice of gaining a feeling of superiority over another person.
Last week I sent you the story of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in which Pooh was sad and believed that he had no right to be unhappy. Piglet said to him, “You know, it isn’t a competition. Sadness. Fear. Grief,” said Piglet. “It’s a mistake we often make, all of us. To think that, because there are people who are worse off than us, that that somehow invalidates how we are feeling. But that simply isn’t true. You have as much right to feel unhappy as the next person; and, Pooh – and this is the really important bit – you also have just as much right to get the help that you need.”
The other side of that competition is that you don’t have to compete to be the most miserable, unhappiest either.
I often hear people complaining about something to another person and that person seems to be compelled to do one-upmanship to be even unhappier than the first person. For example:
Person1 says, “I am so tired. I was awake until 1 AM last night.”
Person2 replies, “Well I was awake until 3AM!”
I have caught myself doing this too!! What’s up with that?!? It’s as if there is some need to be the most unhappy rather than just listen to the other person and perhaps say something like, “Sorry to hear that. That sucks!”
So, how do you stop doing it? Anytime that I catch myself feeling the need to one-up someone in unhappiness, I stop and ask myself, “Do I really NEED to be the most unhappy one here? What is the value in being the most unhappy?”
That usually gives me a shot of being present with what is creating this and what it would create for ME to do it.
Maybe it’s just time to start a new conversation with that person instead with a more positive focus.
So, my suggestion for the week is to get out of the One-Upmanship Of Unhappiness.
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