Did any of these ever happen to you?
- You passed someone in the hall and you said “hi” but the person just kept walking
- You sent an email or leave a message with someone and received no reply.
- You texted someone and received no response.
What went through your mind?
Did you start thinking, “How dare she ignore me?”
Or maybe, “What did I do to upset him?”
Or even, “Doesn’t he like me?”
Did it continue on from there? Did you just keep heaping more imaginings on that one incident until it no longer had anything to do with the original event?
Fill In The Blanks
So what really happened there? Did you really know if that person was upset with you or was ignoring you or didn’t like you? Or was that a conclusion that you created?
Maybe the person was so absorbed in thought that she didn’t even see you. Perhaps he was on his Bluetooth device and was listening to a conversation and wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings (which included you by the way). Or any of a dozen other scenarios that had nothing whatsoever to do with you.
But instead, you needed to explain it to yourself and to give it more meaning, so you started filling in the blanks. Because you didn’t actually have enough information about the event to know what was actually going on, you just made it up.
Since you’re really good at stories; you invented all sorts of details and actions that didn’t actually take place, but created an incredible narrative that in fact only took place in your head.
How many events in your life have been like that?
What has that created for you? What effect has it had on your relationships?
Oh The Trauma And Drama
You make up stories of what others think about you. Then you buy into those stories and they become reality for you even though you made them up.
You take one small misunderstanding and distort and build on what little actually DID happen and invent an entire, often elaborate, scenario that only took place in your head!
Minor issues get blown completely out of proportion with all sorts of fantasized embellishments until now you have this incredible trauma and drama creating fear and anger in all sorts of areas of your life.
You may even be afraid to call or interact with the people in these “stories” because you created this argument with them in your head and you expect the worst from them.
How To Let It Go
Maybe it’s time to stop telling and creating stories. Even more important, maybe it’s time to let go of old stories too.
Take an incident that causes you upset.
Now, really look hard at what actually took place. Genuinely examine just the facts and what happened at the time of the incident.
- How much did you invent and infer?
- How much did you embellish?
- How much did you add later?
Be brutally honest with yourself even if it is painful and difficult.
Then be willing to allow the rest – your creation, your story — to fade away!
Yes, allow it to fade away — all if it, including your attachment to it, your pain, your anger, all of it. Allow yourself to release it and allow its stranglehold on you and fade away.
A little humor often helps, so you can congratulate yourself on what an amazing story you concocted from such a small incident. Laughter can really lighten any situation; especially laughing at yourself and allowing you to stop taking yourself so seriously!
Just keep allowing more and more of the upset and story to fade.
It might not happen immediately, but some of it will start letting go and then that will allow more of it to go and then more and then more. Gradually it will just be that silly story you made up about whatever it was!
And at any point along the way, you may want to start changing your relationship with the people involved. Again humor may help, or just being there in your new state of being – new state of mind – may help them to change any lingering upset between you as well.
So, storyteller, is now the time to admit that all that trauma and drama may be in your head?
Time for a new chapter of your life!
Stop filling in the blanks and get to it!
Looking for more ways to start being the true you? Check out my eBook “Questions to Change Your Life“ to help you explore what possibilities you actually have in your life.